10 Signs of Autism in Females: Could You Be a Mature, Undiagnosed Autistic Woman?
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Introduction
We wrote this article because our community is made up mainly of women over 35 and many in this group are now curious as to whether they could be neurodivergent. This means having either autism or ADHD but, in this article, we will focus on autism.
One of the prompts to look into this is if your own child is diagnosed because the parent may recognise that they share some of these characteristics. There is also a lot of information on autism on platforms like YouTube and TikTok and, if you watch this content, you might start to recognise the traits they speak of in yourself.
Autism, a neurodevelopmental condition, is often thought of as a diagnosis that primarily affects children but many individuals, especially women, may go undiagnosed well into their adult years. How could this happen you might ask? The current thinking is that females are good at ‘masking’; this means that they have grown up watching others and imitating how they act so they can fit in. Masking allows some women to go undetected as autistic right throughout their lives.
In this article, we will explore 10 signs that could indicate undiagnosed autism in women, drawing insights from the video “Autism in Females: How is it Different?” by Kati Morton.
For every visibly autistic person you meet, there are countless 'masked' people who pass as neurotypical.
In particular, there is evidence that autism remains significantly undiagnosed in women, many of whom are only now starting to recognise those traits later in life.
#1 Social Masking
One common trait in females with undiagnosed autism is their ability to blend in and mimic social behaviours, making them seem outgoing and sociable, but behind the mask, they are struggling with social interactions, misinterpreting cues, and feeling overwhelmed.
It can actually be hard for women to know if they have been masking as they will have adopted this coping mechanism very early on in their lives so it just feels normal to them. It takes time and self-reflection to form an accurate picture of how you might have masked throughout your life.
In the Psychology Today article, ‘Masking and Mental Health in Women with Autism’, they give examples of masking behaviours such as forcing yourself to make eye contact, even when you don’t want to, reducing fidgeting when you are in social situations and practicing having conversations before going to a social event.
# 2 Intense Interests
Females with undiagnosed autism often develop intense, focused interests in specific subjects. They may become experts in these areas. When we think about autism in men, we think about very fixed ‘special interests’, the stereotypical example being the trainspotter.
Women, on the other hand, seem to be more changeable in their special interests; for example, they could love astrology for years and then lose interest in it and take up some completely different interest. Or they could have a very non-scientific area of special interest such as celebrity gossip; maybe they know everything about the Kardashian family!
#3 Sensory Sensitivities
Undiagnosed autistic women may experience heightened sensory sensitivities, such as discomfort with bright lights, loud noises, or specific textures, which can lead to social withdrawal or meltdowns when they become overwhelming.
Examples might be if you can’t stand clothes that are anyway tight on your body or materials that are coarse. You might find that at the weekend you prefer to wear leggings and comfortable tops, with either no underwear or very comfortable underwear.
You also might find any noise distracting when you are trying to concentrate so you could have difficulty with noisy open plan offices.
#4 Difficulties in Communication
Communication can be a challenge for undiagnosed autistic women because they can struggle with making eye contact, making small talk, or interpreting nonverbal cues like body language and facial expressions.
According to Psych Central, autistic people can lack cognitive empathy, which involves understanding another person’s emotional state, but not lack emotional empathy, which means that if someone is visibly upset they will feel empathy and want to comfort them. However, lacking cognitive empathy could mean that they would say something to another person that is intended as helpful but might actually hurt or offend the person.
An example could be that the autistic person has noticed that her friend tends to date a ‘type’ of guy and it always ends in tears. The friend tells her that she is in a new relationship and she is very excited about it. The autistic person can see that this new partner shows all the hallmarks of her usual type and, trying to give helpful advice, she warns the friend that this new relationship may follow the path of previous ones. The friend did not ask for this advice and feels annoyed and hurt.
This can mean that autistic people are viewed as insensitive or too direct or not following social norms in terms of what is acceptable to say to another person.
#5 Social Exhaustion
Females with autism may find social interactions draining, even if they appear socially adept. After spending time with others, they may need extended periods of solitude to recover and recharge.
A good strategy might be to limit your time at a social event; for example, decide that you are going to stay for two hours and then give yourself permission to go home. Or simply say no to the invite if it doesn’t seem like something you would enjoy.
#6 Routine and Rituals
Establishing routines and rituals can provide structure and comfort for autistic women, and they may become distressed if these routines are disrupted, as they rely on them for a sense of control and predictability.
While inflexibility can be a disadvantage, these routines can also be a great strength if they involve activities that are beneficial. If your routine involves eating healthy food, taking exercise or engaging in activities you love, this could be a real advantage in your life.
#7 Love for Animals & Nature
Many autistic women share a unique connection with animals as they may find it easier to communicate with and understand animals, often forming deep bonds with pets or other creatures. Autistic women might have a lot of pets or enjoy spending time in nature.
#8 Hyperfocus
Hyperfocus is a common trait in people with autism. When they are deeply engaged in a task or activity they are passionate about, they can lose track of time and become completely absorbed in what they are doing.
We think this is another advantage of autism because, as an autistic person, you can spend a lot of time learning about subjects that interest you and, if these are areas that you can make money from such as your career or a ‘side hustle’, your ability to hyperfocus can be a real asset!
#9 Difficulty with Change
Adapting to change can be a significant challenge for autistic people as they may become anxious and overwhelmed when confronted with unexpected alterations in their environment or routines.
If you find that change is upsetting, make sure you take your time to adjust or even consider saying no. For example, if you thought you were going out to a particular restaurant with two good friends and now the plan has changed to a different venue and two new people that you don’t know very well are coming, take your time to reflect on the change and whether you want to adapt to the new plan; bottom line, say no if you don’t want to go!
#10 Friendships
Often autistic females prefer one to one friendships and find group friendships hard to navigate. This is because in a ‘neurotypical’ world there are often unspoken hierarchies in friend groups that an autistic person might not understand or like. Effectively some people in neurotypical friend groups are considered more important and are more popular; for example, everyone might react to something they add to a Whatsapp chat, whereas they don’t for others.
An autistic person might get fed up with the politics of a group and instead opt to be close friends with one or two people from the friend group. The autistic person might prefer to have more meaningful, deeper conversations, that are not really possible in a group setting.
Should You Seek a Diagnosis?
We would like to point out that we are in no way experts on this subject and we are not giving any advice. If you think that you could be autistic, an option might be to reach out for an autism assessment. However, these assessments are expensive and time consuming so it’s really up to you; if your symptoms are causing you distress, it would be a good idea to at least speak with your GP about it.
Some women are happy to self-diagnose and feel that this brings them benefits because now they know that it’s okay to say no to a social invite if they don’t feel like it or that they need more recovery time after a day at work or they need to spend time with animals or in nature to feel relaxed.
The unique characteristics,traits, and gifts of adult females on the autism spectrum
We love how much Tania has done into this subject - her research and observations are ground breaking.
Conclusion
Undiagnosed autism in women is more common than one might think, often due to the different ways it presents in females compared to males, but also because expertise in diagnosing autism in women is only developing in recent years.
Tania Marshall is a Clinical Psychotherapist who has done a lot of research on what she calls ‘Aspien’ females and you can find a list of typical characteristics she has drawn up here. We would also highly recommend reading her book, ‘Aspien Woman’, which we show above.
Interestingly, one of the characteristics that Tania lists is ‘looks younger than her years’, meaning that some autistic women look younger than their age – another potential benefit of being autistic!
On a final note, we think that there are pros and cons of any kind of neurodivergence. We understand that there are big challenges for this group but many argue that the different way the neurodivergent mind sees the world can be very beneficial, in terms of pattern recognition, understanding systems and problem solving. Yes, it has its problems, but it also has its upsides and many autistic people can do very well in both their chosen professions and their personal lives.
Have you ever considered that you could be ‘on the spectrum’? Would you consider being professionally assessed? Do you think there could be advantages to being autistic?